Tonight I whined on Facebook about not having a BFF. I'm wrong, of course, and I realize that I'm only indulging in a little bit of self-pity, but it's making me wonder about the whys and wherefores of this particular whine.
Some back story here: I have long felt that I've been on the outside of things - looking in on a group from the sidelines, envying their fun and reindeer games, not realizing that all I needed was to just join in. No one else got an engraved invitation, why did I think I needed one? I didn't (and still don't) understand other girls and all the nuances of girlfriend relationships. I don't trust well, never have, and this is a chief reason why I hold back. Who wants to be hurt, you know?
All that said, I really do have a best friend - I married him 11 years ago in October. He "gets" me and it's rare when his words don't soothe my perceived hurts. We have a bond that was immediate when I first met him 29 years ago.
But, I miss him.
My husband is currently studying in an intense pastoral ministry program on top of working full-time and making our house run. He has very broad shoulders and although he would argue with this, withstands the pressure admirably well. Yes, he gripes and whines occasionally about the load he carries, but he would be the first to tell you it's a labor of love for our family.
As the seeds of this post started drifting through my brain, it occurred to me that maybe I am experiencing the feelings he experienced when I was in RN school and working long hours on the weekends. I wasn't home much and when I was, I was studying or writing papers or care plans. There were many times when I would rather have spent time with my family, but it was something I was committed to doing for our family and our goals for the future.
So, how selfish am I when I say I miss him? Very, in my opinion. My whining detracts from the importance of what he's doing for us and for himself and as his wife, it's important that I remember that and support him as much as I can.
Because that's what best friends do.
Just hopped on your link cause I happen to have a little time today - and found out it was YOU. Had no idea who that Debbie character was before.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and insight! BTW...I think most girls feel like they are on the outside - I know I sure do. We are all faking it.